The Evil Imp

Lies Damn Lies and 3D

David Jays piece in The Times Online, like so many technology pieces in the broad sheet press, reads like an infomercial for the vendors of the technology they are covering.

In this case Mr Jay is rambling on about the virtues of 3D film technology and its relevance to the performing arts via the newly released movie ‘Street Dance 3D’ (sadly that title is not a joke).

Said film tells the tale of a street dance crew (cru) that, for reasons past understanding, get thrown in with a bunch of “snooty” ballet students and they just have to make it work because if they don’t, Bruce Willis will have to become an astronaut or a giant asteroid will hit the earth in short order and kill Nocolas Cage and his family and the dog from Lost won’t be able to stop it! (ok., we’re mixing together one too many movie/tv references there, Ed!)

Since we, here in TheLab™, are still in possession of our sanity it’s safe to say we haven’t seen SD3DEE yet so let’s concentrate on the nonsense about 3D shall we.

James Richardson, one of the films producers is quoted in the piece;

“He extols the alluring depth of the 3D screen. It’s not just objects whizzing out at you (“outies”), as in shonky 1950s sci-fi. “That takes away from the story,” he maintains. “You’re looking through a window into another world.”

Ok, stop laughing at the back, this guy is a film producer so he knows what he’s talking about right? No, of course not, he’s a cheap hack trying to exploit a short lived popularity fad for street dance by churning out a 3D dance movie. “Window into another world”, stop taking the piss!

Tim Thomas, an effects technician who worked on the movie, raises the “cretin” bar even higher with this;

“…the emotional moments are more emotional than they would otherwise have been — it’s a lean- forward experience.”

Yes Tim, sitting in a movie theatre wearing a pair of cheap, plastic glasses and getting eye strain really does ramp up that “emotional experience”. Safe to say the only reason you will be leaning forward is to counter the strong physical desire to throw up.

The old folk get involved later on in the piece when Tony Hall, Chief Executive of the Royal Opera House in London and former adviser to Emperor Nero says,

“They showed me a 3D television,” he says, “with a computer game — one of those car chases. It almost made you feel sick, it was so compelling. Can we learn from some of that?”

If we worked in the communications department at ROH then we would be beating a path to this guys door and shouting “WTF we’re you thinking?”.


Because this guy just got quoted, in a national newspaper, saying that he really thinks the ROH should be taking advantage of a technology that makes people feel sick! We can see the headlines now;

“Romeo and Juliet in 3D makes people vomit, what else is new?”