The Evil Imp

It’s Like Being There

Vincent Dance Theatre, Candoco Dance Company, and William “Mad Man” Forsythe have all announced plans to present their respective companies works in 3D this coming autumn following a wave of popular success for the format.

Theatres across the nation are, apparently, “gearing up” for the unprecedented interest being expressed by both theatre goers to see work and dance makers to exhibit their work in a “multiple dimensional format”.

Stine Nilsen, AD of Candoco, told us;

“It’s amazing, it’s like being there dude. I mean, never mind the performance aspect of presenting work, we’ve brought the 3D experience into the rehearsal room. It’s like the dancers are really there. You can almost walk around them, interact with them, even touch them! It’s awesome.

I wouldn’t recommend the audience doing that during a show though, not for safety reasons or anything but because you don’t touch our dancers, I know kung-fu buddy!”

After removing her iron like grip from my throat Ms Nilsen continued;

I’m so taken with the concept, and being possessed with remarkable prescience, that I’ve had two stereoscopic optical devices implanted in my head since birth.”

Your intrepid reporter noted more than a hint of sarcasm in Ms Nilsen’s voice before she wandered off back to the rehearsal room muttering something about “superior Scandinavian social policies”.

Vincent Dance Theatre are also very excited about the new developments. “We like the audience to feel like they are almost in the room with us” explained Charlotte Vincent, the company’s AD, “we want them to really smell the sweat from the dancers because, as you know, it’s all in the odour!”

Yes, quite! Many theatres that we spoke to, all off the record for some reason, expressed enthusiasm for the 3D format. The consensus feeling is that the general public will accept the format as if nothing has really changed.

The famously prickly William Forsythe was slightly more animated in his description of the 3D aspect.

“Look you, you there, with your ******* little tape recorder listen to me! This is how it works; We make work, we put that work on in a theatre and those lazy little ******* got off their sofa, come to said theatre, buy a ticket, if their ******* fat asses can fit in the line that is. Then, they sit their aforementioned gigantic butts in a seat and watch the show. Go that?”

Also, he really doesn’t like it when you call him “Big Willy”.

Candoco, Vincent Dance Theatre and many others all begin touring this coming autumn, all in 3D and you don’t even have to wear funny glasses.

Some, all or none of the above might be completely made up.