It’s time to put on your tuxedo and that big puffy ball gown that you have always been ashamed of and those shoes that make your feet wish that your ankles had never been born because the biggest arts event of the year is upon us. The Pilchards for 2004 have been announced and we bring you the winners of the most coveted can of fish this side of the Horsehead Nebula!
Outstanding Achievement in Dance Award: Maresa von Stockert for Adventures in Black and Green. Even with the unnecessary nudity the piece was laugh out loud funny and superbly performed by Francisco Monteagudo and Roberta Pitre.
Mentioned in Dispatches: Full Force for ‘Headcase’ and Ballet C’ De La B.
Outstanding Performance in Dance: Elisabetta d’Aloia in Untitled by Hofesh Schechter for BareBones Dance Company.
Best Dance in Australia: Strut for Give up the Ghost overshadowed by the overrated Chunky Move but unjustifiably so.
Mentioned in Dispatches: The Graduate Class of Western Australia Academy of Performing Arts class of 2004.
The Mother Theresa Humanity in the Arts Award: Liv Lorent of BalletLORENT for her tale of diligence and endeavour of coming to the aid of a moth that lay stricken on the road!
The Donald Rumsfeld ‘Damn it! I know I’m Right!’ Award: Assis Carriero at Dance East for denying Article19 permission to film at BDE2004 despite the obvious benefits of bringing the event to a wider audience at no cost to them whatsoever.
Jerry Bruckheimer Dance Film of the Year: Dancing in Vienna by Vanessa Cook and Article19, shot in one day around Vienna with no money and very little preparation but still managed to look better than most other dance films ever made. (we admit to being a little biased on this one)
Press Release of the Year, sponsored by Rupert Murdoch: Rambert for their release gloating about staying in surplus for the financial year after years of running into a deficit. Obviously not a lot going on at Rambert these days!
Millennium Dome ‘It Costs How Much’ Award: Arts Council England for spending £46million per year on themselves.
Worst Kept Secret in History Award, sponsored by Apple Computer: Dance City for their recent visit by a member of the Royal Family. Shame the entire Royal Family schedule is published at least one week in advance on their website!
Worst Publicity Stunt of the Year Award, sponsored by Gerald Ratner: The Place for the Place Prize. The folks at the prize got very excited when they made it into the Guardian the publicity swiftly faded into oblivion however.
Shooting Yourself in the Foot Award, sponsored by Gerald Ratner: John Ashford director of The Place NDA for his incoherent and bizarre rant about apartheid, trains, accents and foreign people.
If you missed the ceremony it was a glamerous affair held in our kitchen because we had to be close to a fridge otherwise the fish would start to smell and rotting pilchards is just plain unpleasant!
Here in the Lab we hope you have a great holiday and a wonderful new year. We shall see you all in 2005 and let’s all try and make that year better than this one, we can only move forward and if we have to kick you up the arse to make you then we are happy to oblige.
Merry Christmas!