The World Cup is well underway in Germany and if you have never had the mis-fortune to experience this particular sporting event from the viewpoint of the UK media then you are missing a treat.
Never has one country's assembled journalists and presenters - and the public - so expertly managed to make a mockery of the words impartiality, balanced, fair, observant, restrained, etc, etc. All of the following will be in evidence for the duration of the tournament;
1. Patronising editorial in national newspaper with a mocking commentary of Americans lack of understanding or concern on a national level for 'soccerball'. (The Guardian is already guilty of this, more to follow we presume)
2. UK TV presenters mentioning England even if they are not playing or have been knocked out.
3. English public/media making references to 'The War' (WWII). It's a bit like the USA playing Vietnam with US supporters wearing Non La's (hats) and sticking chopsticks in their ears, it's that sophisticated.
4. Unconditional forgiveness of loutish, thuggish, brutal, abusive, violent, dangerous and irrational behaviour, and that's just from the players. In particular this will be applied to Wayne Rooney who gives an inconsiderate Gorilla a run for its money in the charm, intelligence and wit stakes!
5. Constant references to 1966. All we can say about that it is; it was 40 years ago get over it!
6. Constant references to Pele, who is not English at all and wasn't that good anyway.
7. Overstating the level of support for the 'lads' in the team. Here's a hint, if 26 million people are watching an England game that means 38 million are not so we're in the majority and 5 million of the people who are watching are Scottish, Welsh and Irish folks who are cheering for the other team
We suggest you retire to a more modest country if you wish to watch the World Cup or just don't bother and go do something a little less boring instead (whyyyyyyyyy don't you?)