The EvilImp™ 'Vomit Mustard Yellow'

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We must apologise for the picture above. We had nothing to do with creating it but publish it we must for, after all, how can we mock the inept and the stupid if we don't illustrate why we are mocking them and calling them stupid?

That image was mailed to Article19 by Arts Council England in a dismal attempt to get us and lots of other people to take part in the "Great Arts Debate", or whatever it's called, that ACE is currently running because they haven't got anything better to do, apparently.

Most PR types, in order to entice you into participating in something, will use images of well proportioned men and women in slinky clothes, bestowing you with all kinds of coolness simply by looking at them. Either that or they promise you an iPod if you fill in the form because we all like free stuff, especially free stuff that is actually quite cool to begin with. We know it's crass and obvious but at least it looks good and might actually get people to pay attention.

ACE on the other hand think that the way to entice you into their faux "debate" is to associate you with a typically "biege" English family sitting around a table having dinner and apparently mocking the poor girl whose face we can't see. The Newcastle Brown Ale and the bottle of HP sauce are touches of genius that the Art Director should be particularly proud of.

The concerned mother (who is obviously mad because she painted her kitchen walls in 'vomit mustard yellow'), sitting in matching blouse and apron, is looking upon her daughter like she just failed her A-levels after getting pregnant by her career-criminal 45 year old boyfriend whilst being addicted to heroin.

Her obviously dim witted brother is is making matters worse by making farm noises at her whilst forgetting he's put a tea-cosy on his head and wearing a jumper from the 1970's.

While all this is going on they have all failed to notice the escaped mental patient on the left who has joined them at the table and is about to eat them all for dinner!

It's no wonder that ACE is being pummeled by the Olympics because they obviously have the imagination of a dried-up cactus if this is how they choose to get people excited about the arts.

We'll make you a deal ACE. All we want are two things and then we'll back off: First, the £29million you stripped from Grants for the Arts put back where it was and second, for you to all to get a damn clue!

Do we have a deal?

[ Join The Faux Debate ]

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