The EvilImp™ 'Then we could stop!'

It was mentioned to us, here in TheLab™, a few days ago that our "attitude" might not be helping. We should, perhaps, let the facts speak for themselves and leave our particular brand of satire, sarcasm and hooliganism at the door.

To this we simply say..... No!

We would love nothing more than to bring you video features, interviews and all the other general information that we deliver to you from now until the end of time. If that was all we had to do that that would mean all the other stuff had gone away.

It would mean that all the dreadful, infuriating and crazy things had simply stopped happening and we could just spend all our time talking about the good stuff.


If Arts Council England would stop pouring money down the drain on projects like The Space, the Dance Register, Sustain and so many other things then we could stop.

If small and mid-scale touring wasn't being squeezed to breaking point through the lack of funds while ACE is blowing money like a drunkard in a casino then we could stop.

Just one of the dance projects funded on The Space would have paid for 33 touring performances.

If the dance profession in this country would work more collaboratively with one another, lose the egos and understand their single, common purpose then we could stop.

If theatres that have booked companies for performances actually helped to market those shows (assuming they have the money and resources to do so) then we could stop.

If dance companies could show that they at least support, in principal, ideas like 'The Fifty' and talk more openly about creating more full-time permanent jobs for professional dancers, then we could stop.

If ACE could stop being so completely clueless when it comes to how the public and the people they fund perceive them and why that perception matters then we could stop.

If ACE's response to public perception questions wasn't this "It is not for the Arts Council to speculate what anyone else's opinion may be." Then we could stop.

If ACE could grasp for just a second that what doomed the Film Council was arrogance, stupidity, incompetence and indifference then we could stop.

If all of that and a lot more like it stopped, then we could stop.

Knee High

Here in TheLab™ we are, as always, just a few short days away from online oblivion but we would rather keep fighting on our knees and then on our backs before we yield. Before we become like so many in the arts press. That is; boring, predictable, compliant.

Most of our readers would expect nothing less from us and we hate to disappoint. So if it's alright with you, we will just carry on until we can't carry on any more.

Stay Slippy!

  • Dancenigma

    If you were good writers then the acrid sarcasm and bitchiness might be excusable. There is plenty of space for a cynical voice, but you don't even seem to give thorough well researched information about the things you sling mud-in-the-form-of-bad-writing. In this piece you act like you are champions of the underdog but you've been known to say petty and nasty things about journalists praising those underdog companies and performers. The content on this site is a bit thin and shoddy to endure your taking this manifesto-like high road.

  • sup poppet, are you one of the people we've called out huh? please do point us in the direction of the journo's in the wide world of dance "praising the underdog" (whatever that means) and we shall take a look. we fear that no response shall come though.

  • JA

    No dont stop, stay very slippy! Your features, article19 and turn of phrase are the only thing that brings me joy sustenance hope and laughter having become so disillusioned ( for good reason ) with the whole funded world of ACE, NPO's and a few despot styles management! How about renaming the Arts Council the Fart Council..... yes all the metaphors... bad smell..., hot air,.... talking out their ****s, silent but deadly. I could go on. Thanks for bringing some light on the dark arts!

  • Chantal

    Yeah, don't stop. Please.

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