The EvilImp™ 'Hospitalised'

64 people have been taken to hospital this past Monday suffering from a variety of maladies ranging from catatonia to severe stroke following a mass reading of the latest press release from The Place concerning The Place Prize®™.

Those in attendance who escaped uninjured told disturbing tales of self harm, wailing, gnashing of teeth and general malaise upon the press release reading being completed. There are reports of effigy burning and one high profile dance maker telling Eddie Nixon to "go play in traffic" or words to that effect.

The press release concerned the latest information about the appointment of "judges", "semi-finals" and money off coupons from Tescos*.

At the time of writing The Place declined to comment on whether or not Mr Nixon, the Director of Theatre and Artist Development at The Place, had indeed gone to play Connect 4 on the M25.

The current competition, which has been running since the birth of Jesus Christ, is set to end sometime next year but only if we're very very lucky.

In an effort to protect our dear readers from succumbing to any medical catastrophe we have been trawling the internets looking for stories that are, on the face of it, a lot more interesting than this.

1. David Cameron names his new daughter after a character from the Magic Roundabout!

2. "High Street Sales Hit Three Year High"

3. Bomb proof Jaguar car for sale in Moscow

4. Nokia release, another, new mobile phone.

5. Sky is blue!

6. Ocean is wet!

The Place Prize®™ ends when the last person standing has killed the scary Emperor in the white armour, or is that a scene from 'Gladiator'? We forget.

In a statement The Place denied being completely useless, or at least they would if we asked them because who would admit to such a thing?

More info on The Place's website, if you dare.

*we might be making that up!

  • Kema

    It's not that important really, your high up mates recommend you, and then your London mates vote for you once you get through. Mass Back Scratching!
    I'm in Manchester, why not change venue each year and have real audiences?
    "develop contemporary dance" how?
    London doesn't have the monopoly on creativity you know.
    Get out a bit, it opens your mind.

  • Grotto

    Both dance umbrella and the place prize seem to have got stuck on a repeat button.

    Wait...I've got the last years brochure, nope, its the new one.

  • Matthgre

    Why are you so rude? Get a life. Really.

  • Well, being rude is a personality trait that comes from being Evil, they kind of go hand in hand at least they would if people who are Evil and rude cared much about holding hands. You see what we mean? Right?

  • ChrisR

    I agree with matthgre?
    Sometimes there is no need at all to be rude, and I think that this is a time where you should realise this. The Place Prize is one of the only really exciting events in the contemporary dance calender and without it and dance umbrella etc... what would there be to develop the generations of choreographers and dancers that are going to be all there is a few generations!
    You need to notice that if one of the only things you can be 'evil' about is a very positive event, with a very dedicated organisation team behind it, that will develop contemporary dance for the future, then maybe there is no point in this part of the website. I don't think anyone else is finding it funny?

  • Ash Johnford

    I think more rudeness (or honesty) in dance should be welcome. Wake you up to the fact it's a failing laughable artform (well at least about 95% of the time). Keep the insults flying in I say.

    Chris R you strike me as a bit of a card and someone it would be nice to argue with about this in person. Dance Umbrella is like a beaten up old timemachine that keeps resurfacing once a year with nothing new discovered. The all important device that once allowed it to jump to the future has long since broken. Its only redeeming feature perhaps could be if it managed to take a substantial percentage of the 'old' dance world back to wherever it goes the rest of the time.

    Dedicated Organisation. Do me a lemon, the competition is a farce, a joke and I would bet my own earlobes that you are actually part of this dark masonic lodge. Develop Contemporary Dance for the future?? Heres a challenge for you Chris, clearly define what is Contemporary Dance in 2010, now give an example of a single company that fits within this, and one that is so contemporary that it could only exist in these modern times, not 10 or 20 years ago.

  • "one of the only exciting events on the dance calendar", come on now, there's plenty on the dance calendar to get excited about, the touring programme of most companies to name one.

    Let's be clear here that the issue is with the Place Prize not the work being made. If the Place wants to fund work then they should fund work, leave the tacky voting and the "judging" to Simon Cowell and his cronies.

    Please provide the evidence that this competition aides in the development of choreographers in ways that other, non competitive, events do not?

    And finally, did you think we wouldn't notice that both of the comments above come from the same IP address in London?

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