The EvilImp™ 'Billy No Mates'

Here in TheLab™ we have absolutely nothing against rich people. If we were burdened with massive wealth we would be doing the same thing as we are now but in a place with heating, running water and a few less giant rodents gnawing on the power cables!

With that in mind we turn to Philip Green, or "Sir" Philip Green to people who find that kind of thing important, who is forking out untold sums of money to fly 100 of his "closest friends" to some far away island to celebrate the fact he's made it to 55 years old without anybody beating the crap out of him for being a massive show off. Either that or it's his birthday.

If you don't know who he is, and why would you, he owns British Home Stores and Top Shop, two large clothing chains here in the UK.

A couple of private jets, plush resort type accommodation and lots of food, drink, drugs and all night toga parties (stop giggling at the back!) should ensure the whole thing costs a few million when all is said and done.

Now here's the rub; If you have to pay for your friends to travel to a far away place so they can party with you then chances are they're not really your friends. If you ask them and they come on their own, then you can call them friends.

Secondly; if you actually had 100 "close" friends then you would spend half of your life sending silly text messages back and forth and the other half listening to said "friends" telling you how the love of their life just screwed them over for the guy/girl they met at your all night toga party. You'd never get anything done!

If you're rich then we say enjoy it. Buy your expensive houses, your overpriced sports cars that you then crash into a tree, lounge about on the sun kissed beaches of far away places, have at it, you've earned it (probably!)

While you're doing that though stop and think for a second before dropping millions on parties and other worthless crap. Think about something you could do with that money that might, just might, be a little more virtuous, a little more tactful, a little more meaningful in a world going to hell in a hand cart.

Listen Big Phil (he's 5ft 3'), you're a grown up so start acting like it. Use that underdeveloped sense of a morality and start thinking outside the box. There's plenty of good to be done in this world so don't make us treat you like a five year old and tell you what to do. None of your fake friends will be honest with you so here we are being all magnanimous, shape up or ship out. (He kind of already has since he lives in Monaco to avoid paying taxes)

Also, if you know how to deal with power cable gnawing giant rodents let us know at the usual address.

[ Guardian Puff Piece ]

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