More often than not we, here in TheLab™, have to communicate with the outside world. Most of the time this communication goes well, sometimes not so much and when things go bad you have to fight fire with fire or to be more precise, withering sarcasm.

Some, all or most of these are completely real, see if you can spot which ones!

Press Flacks or Admins

Haven't you got anything better to do?

Yeah, but we're not doing it right now!

Article19, never heard of it!

Well, we've never heard of you but apparently you still exist!

Can you send us that in an email?

Sure, that's why we called you, to ask you if we could please spend half an hour writing you an email!

if you could do that it would really make my life easier!

Yeah, but our job is to make your life difficult and now you're just provoking us!

I don't talk to the press!

Well, judging by your general demeanour you probably shouldn't talk to anybody who's awake!

I just spoke to the person you asked for and she's not here!

..............!

Why are you being rude?

We're not being rude, you're just oversensitive, reactionary and stupid!

You seem very angry about this!

Yes, because, madam, anger is how one stands in opposition to indifference, laziness and ballet companies!

Do you know who I am?

Yes, we called you, remember!

Readers

Hey, we have an audition for a male stripper aboard a cruise ship, can you publish it ASAP?

dude, take a wild guess!

can you send me an email each time you get a new audition in?

Of course we can, can we also get your address so we can come to your house and make you breakfast in the morning, walk your dog and clean your bathroom while we're at it?

Can we upload your videos to our YouTube channel?

Only if we can come to your house and eat all you Coco Pops™, borrow your car, max out your credit card and sleep in your bed!