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A conversation between Akram Khan and a bloke from Arts Council England back in the day. It didn't happen, but maybe it should have?

Come in Mr Khan, sit, sit, now........ tell me, how can I help you?

(pausing and leaning forward on a crooked stick he was carrying) hmmmm, dances I shall make, choreographer I shall be!

......................okay, excellent, have you er..... trained in dance Mr Khan?

mmmmm. The Force I have stud...................... Martha Graham I have studied, hmmmmmmmm

(casting a suspicious look) So................ do you have an idea for a new work Mr Khan?

hmmmmmm, Ideas that are great I have, dark side overthrow we sh..................

(looking slightly puzzled) dark side Mr Khan?

hmmmmm, tongue slip of it was....

are you alright Mr Khan?

ask that why do you?

because you're looking a little green under the gills and you're speaking backwards!

(muttering) hmmmm, this one, the force is strong with!

(leaning in and whispering) what force is that Mr Khan?

(unable to contain himself) strong the Rebel Alliance is growing, ready soon we shall be!

(now looking slightly alarmed) Rebel Alliance?

(creasing up his face and looking manic) stay and complete your training you must!

(looking desperately at the door) I er..... left university many years ago Mr Khan!

Vaderrrrrrrrr...... face him you must! hmmmmmmmmmm

(hitting the secret panic button with his foot) what are you doing with those torches Mr Khan?

(leaping onto the desk twirling two Maglites™ in his hands) hmmmmmmm, get yours yes you will, funding give it to me you must!

(as the door crashes open) I'm afraid funding Rebel Alliance's is not in our guidelines Mr Khan! (as Khan is removed struggling from the room wearing an old sack and still twirling his torches) perhaps you would like to try the Film Council or the Lottery?

Mr Khan is now a full time resident of Ativan™ Pines recovery home, he is allowed to play with his torches on Tuesdays and Thursdays!