Article19 continues on its quest to better inform the dance students of this world about the current crop of dance makers that nobody has written a book about. Even if they have we'll bet you all the money in our pockets (£12.18) the book would be boring as hell because let's face it, most dance books are.
Our interminable series continues with seven more dance makers currently doing the rounds in the dance world in one way or another and be sure to quote your sources because we want to take the credit for getting you into trouble!
Biog: Ebullient head of Motionhouse Dance Theatre and one of the only AD's we know of that is currently a doctor (has a PhD in something or other). Training is non-medical though so if you're impaled on an iron fence (more common than you might think) don't go running to him for help!
Best known for choreographing highly energetic work involving - as Motionhouse describe it - 'flying' but everybody else calls it 'chucking people about'. Makes really big dance pieces on beaches and doesn't care if people are sucked into the sand and never seen again (allegedly).
For the last 10 years all new works from the company have featured one word titles; "Driven, Perfect, Volatile, Fearless, Atomic, Twisted, FakingIt, Delicate, Geisha, Flying, Punch". The company denies that when read in reverse it forms a secret message to the Masons ordering the destruction of civilisation!
Looks Like: A Copper from The Bill
Potential Pet: Orangutan
What to Say: Afraid of heights? Me? Never!!!
What Not To Say: Can I have a crash helmet please?
Biog: Completely unhinged American director of the Forsythe Company based in Frankfurt, Germany.
Used to be the AD of Frankfurt Ballet until the city had a melt down (non-nuclear) and decided they didn't need him anymore. Was the subject of a documentary by Mike Figgis which was terrible but Mike Figgis made it so it got on TV. Is not the world's biggest fan of corporate sponsorship, jewelry in particular.
His work is high-art on steroids and nobody, not even Forsythe, understands it. His choreographic construction techniques are so complicated the people who mapped the human genome were jealous and asked if he could tone it down a little. Often quoted discussing 'temporal structure's' and 'hypothetical solutions', doesn't talk about 'doughnuts with sprinkles' or 'carpet fluff' very much at all!
Looks Like: Dr. Mark Green from E.R.
Potential Pet: Rubik's Snake
What to Say: Hmm, I see, temporal structures!
What Not To Say: Stop talking please! American Idol is on the telly!
Biog: Currently AD of Birmingham Royal Ballet, the company that used to be Sadlers Wells Ballet back in the day when it was the touring division of the actual Royal Ballet. Back in that day Mr Bintley was a dancer with the company and had the nick name 'Binty' (probably).
Most famous for, allegedly, the Nutcracker Sweeties which was basically The Nutcracker with all the silly bits left in and was, possibly, the most horrific piece of dance making ever put upon mortal man if for no other reason than it featured jazz music which, as we all now, was invented by beelzebub to drive us all nuts!
Redeemed himself somewhat by choreographing things like 'Far from the Madding Crowd' except not really because it's on for about five hours (allegedly).
Looks Like: Robin Williams after rehab
Potential Pet: Church Mouse
What to Say: Does my packet look good in these tights?!
What Not To Say: People are dying in their seats, for the love of God man stop making 4 act ballets!
Biog: After Christopher Bruce left Rambert there was only one man who could take his place, but William Forsythe was busy so they gave the job to Mark Baldwin.
Renowned for making dancers appear in powder blue uni-tards, prior to Rambert, when the 1970's had come and gone by a couple of decades. Illustrated his modesty when he proclaimed that he had been made the director of the 'best dance company in the world' (presumably he was taking about Rambert!)
Currently makes work about atoms, science, physics, kinetics and any other technical words the Rambert PR dept. can get out of the thesaurus on Microsoft Word before it crashes. Most famous for receiving a Zero award from Article19 after jabbering on about something to do with oranges not being able to run in a straight line or something equally crazy.
Looks Like: An extra from Prison Break
Potential Pet: Paris Hilton's Dog
What to Say: Powder blue is my favourite colour!!
What Not To Say: I don't want to wear that, it makes me look like my grandmother's kitchen cabinets!
Biog: One of the founding members of DV8 back in the day when contemporary dance was a margalised art form that almost no-one paid any attention to................. (moving on swiftly, Ed!)
Best known now for his manic, one man shows about nothing in particular, cross dressing, singing and being able to build flat-pack™ furniture from Ikea in record time. His work is punctuated with abrasive language (called swearing in some circles), sex references and all manner of unpleasantness. Derives his energy from a surgically implanted two litre bottle of Red Bull.
Famously got an NDA into trouble when they let kids into a show he was hosting without any kind of warning, the parents were, to say the least, not amused!
Looks Like: Jurgen Prochnow
Potential Pet: Hammy from 'Over The Hedge'
What to Say: Red Bull, half off at Asda!
What Not To Say: Yes, of course you can drive the car!
The Ballet Boyz
Biog: Real names are Michael Nunn and William Trevitt and upon realising that their name was a bit stupid and made them sound like a crap cabaret act from North Korea changed it to George Piper Dances which is, of course, a big improvement (allegedly).
Were made famous after they were in a TV documentary about The Royal Ballet and stormed off in the huff. Went to Japan for a while and once again, stormed off in the huff. Perhaps best know to the general public for being on Channel4 a lot. Made a show called the 'Rough Guide To Choreography' where one or the other of this pair made the stunning revelation that choreography 'is a bit hard', such genius rarely comes to our TV screens.
Last year attempted to make a full length work called something or other but changed tack for this year after the show got spanked in reviews by Motionhouse Dance Theatre's 15 minute freebie show 'Chaser' which played prior to theirs at the Birmingham Hippodrome.
Looks Like: Crap cabaret act from North Korea
Potential Pet: Big, ferocious dog to stop them storming off in the huff.
What to Say: Storming off in the huff is very mature!
What Not To Say: Storming off in the huff makes you look like you belong in a crap cabaret act from North Korea.
Bio: Master of merging Khatak with contemporary dance. Few people know what Khatak is but this is art so that's irrelevant.
His last show with Sylvie Guillem cemented the pairs position as the dullest people in the wide world of sports/arts (allegedly). Scientists have described it as 'Binary Boring', on their own they are fine but bring them together and all hell does not break loose!
Famously used a monologue in one of his pieces describing him hanging out under a tree for several years to do some 'thinking'. Buddhist Monks™ filed suit alleging defamation of their chosen one on the grounds that if anybody is going to say something crazy it'll be the little bald guys in the orange robes not the little bald guy on stage at Sadlers Wells!
Looks Like: Yoda
Potential Pet: Ewok
What to Say: ohhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
What Not To Say: I want to learn the ways of the Force™ Master