'...This is for you.
Make sure that by the time fisherman returns you are gone.
Because just like the days, I burn both ends and every time I write, every time I open my eyes I am cutting out a part of myself to give to you.
So shake the dust and take me with you when you do for none of this has never been for me.
All that pushes and pulls, pushes and pulls, it pushes for you.Anis Mojgani said that...
It's tiring isn't it? Constantly putting yourself out there, working to keep your body toned, your technique strong, yourself stimulated.
Scary isn't it? Not knowing if you will ever get that job, questioning if your good enough, wondering if you've be working all this time for nothing.. or not having the balls to quit that job that doesn't make you happy, cause you can't handle not having anything. Or just being scared that you don't know how long your success will actually last.
Its horrible isn't it? Watching your friends get jobs time and time again, listening to them complain about the fact that they have a job. Meeting new people and making new relationships and wondering if they actually care about who you really are. Or having a job while you watch your friends around you struggle when you know they deserve it.
Lonely isn't it? Watching your friends leave and live their lives, struggling to hold on to something while you feel like everybody around you is busy. Coming home at night and feeling alone in your head, whether you're alone in life or not.
Interesting isn't it? How people are so quick to come in and out of your life, how people are so quick to judge, how many people know the real you and how many of those people actually give a crap.
It's amazing isn't it? Performing on stage, traveling the world, the roar of the crowd, the sweat as it drips down your face, taking class, meeting new people, experiencing new people and places.
It's important that we allow ourselves to be angry, allow ourselves to feel hurt, allow ourselves to be scared, allow ourselves to be lonely, and allow ourselves to be happy. We should try to recognize it all the time but just now for the next 10 minutes allow yourself to feel how you really feel right now... I promise nobody is watching.
This is for you...
Pause for a moment. I would like you to take a moment to think about you and how you are feeling today, physically and emotionally. And take it slowly.
Think about how you feel about yourself and how you think others feel about you. Not just that, but how would you like them to feel about you? Are you the person that you want to meet? Are you the dancer you want to watch? How quick are you to judge? Are you a hedonist? Do you behave in a way which is constantly seeking pleasure in the avoidance of pain? Are you the sort of person who moves towards what you want in your life? Or do you have a tendency to leave it to chance... or for other people to decide?
Bring your attention to your body (without judgement), how does it feel? Which parts of you are relaxed? Which parts of you are tense? How do your clothes feel against your skin and how is your breath... is it easier to breath in or is it easier to breath out?
What about your environment, are you where you want to be? The seat you are sitting on, is it hard or is it soft? Are you surrounding yourself with people you love? People who push and encourage you, stimulate you and believe in you and more importantly... do you believe in yourself?
Take a moment to yourself... you deserve it.
Be honest with yourself... you deserve that too.
This is for you...
When you have established how you feel, think about what you want and where you want to go. Does it change how you feel? Do you feel excited or anxious? Has your breath changed? Have other parts of your body become tense in space? Is what you want within your capability? Can you make it by yourself or do you need help?
Really take the time to think and recognize.
This all may seem a bit deep and I'm sorry that I am not talking about my Protein audition or the place prize but I just wanted to reel it back in for a moment. I didn't want to think about the consistent flux of the eternal environment, I didn't want to just give you another opinion about Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui at Sadler's Wells I just wanted you to think about you for a moment, take the time to be selfish and remember what it is that you want.
It's easy to fall into the comfort of our routine and the embrace of our friends and lovers but the sad thing is, opportunities are rarely offered, they are seized and we are in a world where, we are all competing for a similar dream. So remember what makes you special. Remember what makes you unique. How are you in your body and your mind? Because comfort within you identity will shine through to others and allow you to grow and make everyday as fulfilling as the next.
Don't be scared and take more time to become more physically and emotionally aware of yourself because it can have an effect every decision you make, and when if you have a deeper understanding of yourself I guess it means you can make more positive decisions on a daily basis... right? You're not going to achieve your goal today but if you make positive decisions towards your goal everyday it will come.
(I'm still learning myself)
Your life is a sum of all your choices so... what are you doing tomorrow?
This is for you...
...So grab this world by its clothespins and shake it out again and again and jump on top and take it for a spin and when you hop off shake it again for this is yours.
Make my words worth it, make this not just another poem that I write, not just another poem like just another night that sits heavy above us all.
Walk into it, breathe it in, let is crash through the halls of your arms at the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood pumping and pushing making you live, shaking the dust.
So when the world knocks at your front door, clutch the knob and open on up, running forward into its widespread greeting arms with your hands before you, fingertips trembling though they may be.'Anis Mojgani said that too..
One of my housemates showed me the video to this poem when I returned from tour in January.. thank you james x.