Recently I went to an audition and got down to the last 6 girls. Needless to say I was chuffed with myself. Mainly because this doesn't happen that often, but it also felt good for one week to have a more exciting answer to the question 'So what are you up to at the moment?'.
It was also nice to have a bit of silence in my life. For once I had no control as I had to wait for someone else to decide my fate. Since my retirement into auditioning and trying to do as much paid performance work as I can, I have felt this silence brewing. The fact that I don't need to run around like a headless chicken to try and get everything done and please everyone is quite a revelation to me the 'wannabe-over-achiever-don't-ever-call-me-lazy- or-a-failure-ever' Blanc.
I didnt get the job in the end but I have been invited to a casting day during the summer for their christmas show. So that will be cool! Also they have recommended me for another gig. One night, two hours improvising and getting paid. Nice.
During the silence of waiting I was able to see things in a different perspective because I started to go through all the what ifs and different scenarios that I may find myself in. I had space to think which meant I had a few back up plans if I did/didn't get it. So I wasn't stuck up the creek by putting all my eggs in one basket.
So my back up plan which is now my current plan for the next term is to focus on me and my physicality. I am going to train extra hard. I have been offered more education work so I will take this on which means I know where my income will come from and also I will have a set structure to my week so I can book myself into courses and do exciting things. Yes it is a bit silent, and yes it feels a bit scary at the moment as I am only working on one small performance project (with Iron Inc Dance) which is only a few hours rehearsals a week, but I am going to embrace it instead of freaking out at it. This is a choice I am making and as Charlotte says in Sex and the City- 'I choose my choice'.
As I said I have been offered more education work this term which I was a bit hesitant to take on as I don't want to let any body down if I was to be offered a performance contract but I feel now I have chosen to do this, if I really put my head into it this term I could really develop my teaching skills as well as my dancing skills. Plus the education work I have been offered is really nice as some contracts only run for a few weeks and others are at good times so I can still do lots of things.
I feel it is going to be a big term for me. I am excited