AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! It was such a hard decision for me to make because I love being involved in everything and I think I am still in that naive place (or coming out of) that makes me believe that if I am not involved I am a failure.
I could have proposed my piece I created for Cloud Dance Festival in July. It needs a lot of work and could be developed. My problem with it, is that it is a pure movement piece which is fine but its not my 'normal' thing (but is that such a bad thing??). My other choice is that I could hold out and make a piece that I really feel represents me and what I want to put out into the universe and propose it to the Resolution! Gods next year.
I went with the latter. Even though everyone was expecting me to create something I had to first of all breathe and calm down and then place myself in the reality that I have only been out of formal training for a year. I should be trying loads of different things and I have done Resolution! already so if my only reason to do it was to make sure people remember me and know that I am here then that is rather stupid reason.
Sometimes I think I take myself way to seriously and maybe I shouldn't be worrying about what my style is just yet. However my argument back to that is 'yes that is true but even if you make loads of different types of work you should still really believe in it'. I liked my piece I did for Cloud but I think I am not passionate enough about it or I am just scared that people will see me just for that kind of work and not for the more theatrically visual dance that I want to make.
I know in the past I have been so proud in saying Hi I am sarah Blanc and I am a dancer that choreographs and teaches..... but what happens when the dancer actually teaches and choreographs more than she performs? I dont, but sometimes it feels like that because I am having to do lots of extra to help fund the performing or life after that 6 week job? So I have slowly figured out that my balance is not so right and I am currently fixing it.
Does any body out there know of any good life coaches? Someone recommended that I should speak to one to help find the right balance and figure out where it is I really want to go.
The only thing I have figured out is that I am ready for my break now. I am ready for that big company performing job. ;-)