My friend told me that in your mid-late 20s you apparently think you know everything!! haha but also said that by the time you reach your 30s you chill out and realise that everyone in their own way is right...... but thank God I dont have to be there yet. I still know I am right ;-)
I have noticed in the past month or so, how forward I have become with my opinions. I have caused many a storm and rustled a few feathers standing up for myself and not taking any of the shit I used to. I am not necessarily proud of it, as its a feeling I am still getting used to. In fact it makes me feel quite uncomfortable in some ways, but I think I need to think of it as a good thing. Finally I am finding my voice. 'The voice', we are supposed to have as grown-ups, let alone artists. People often assume I have found my voice already because I am so loud and have initiative, but I think its only beginning to really find me now.
My living situation hasn't been the best over the past few months and in some ways I feel it has brought me to this point in my life. Recently I have had no choice but to stand up for my ideals that I believed in, even though it seemed at times, that I was alone against the world.
This being a time that, in my opinion, should have been really easy totally had a reverse effect. A reverse effect that maybe I caused BUT if I hadn't I would have been just walked all over and feeling worse than I do now. So far, the worst thing in all of this is standing up for yourself against a friend! Aaah its horrible realising that you have a different outlook on things to a close friend that you thought you were on the same page as and shared the same morals, but I need to realise that its not necessarily bad. Opposites do attract.
Today I was working with CandoCo for the third leg of our first year of Moving Bodies, a really exciting enormous project. It was here that I had to be ready with my 'new voice', but I found it hard. I had to face up to the fact that I actually have an opinion about things and that it is a good thing and that it is okay to say them out loud. But I was struggling with the questions: when do you know that you know enough? When do you cross the line from gaining experience to being experienced?
Luke Pell (education manager for CandoCo) whose brain child this whole big project was, is sooooo articulate and has so many good things to be articulate about!! (why does he hire me? :-D). He for some reason seems to trust me and my experiences or maybe he trusts how I take in my experiences? I am not sure but there is some reason! ha.
Its this trust that he has in me that is starting install some confidence in how I am developing and thinking. And it is helping me realise that my opinions on, in this case, my approach to inclusive teaching practice and what that means to me is valid, because it is important to me and I am very passionate about it.
Maybe its him who I have to blame for releasing the rebel in me. harf!