Normos think dancing is easy. You just wack out a few moves and thats that.

What they don't know is it can be terrifyingly exposing. That you have to consider yourself - what motivates you, what stops you and who you are.

Yesterday I had my progress tutorial, which means that I got back my choreography and technique grades, plus feedback.

Its pretty hard to put into words what I am trying to say. But I'll give it a whirl. So it goes something like this;

I feel stronger than last year, physically and mentally.
My grade went down. They tell you to expect this, as the mark slightly differently.
My feed back was good. In contemporary Tiia said I need to be 'braver' with my traveling work and jumps.
I know to improve my grade I have to change something, and its mental/in my approach.

My tutor, Eric, asked me if I was afraid of moving. I said no. But I am afraid of something. I do hold myself back. And its so deep and subconscious that most of the time I don't even know I am doing it..

Eric said well, the only way that will change that is if you know what you are afraid of.

I'm afraid of 'showing off'. Eric suggested that I spend a class showing off, to see how it changes my work. The idea absolutely terrifies me. I don't know if I could physically do it.

All the way home yesterday I was thinking about the reasons for my shyness. Where does it come from and what can I do to change it?

Thats what I love about dance. It forces you to grow. Sometimes its hard. And its definitely a long process - a lifetimes work. But in a purely selfish way its exciting too, to know that the more I dance the more I'll know myself.

So my advice for anyone studying/starting to study dance is this you can't hide anything. Dance will expose you. Be conscious of yourself, if you're struggling with something don't always go straight to your physical self for the answer.

One thing is for sure. My dance is more than just moves.