Saturday was the premier of Verve, NSCD's postgraduate company. (See the video here on article19!) The technicians were a bit short staffed, so instead of working front of house I ended up stage managing, basically meaning that I was the link between lighting box and stage wings, letting the technicians know when all the dancers were in place.

Theaters generally, but especially the NSCD theater, always have a special kind of magic for me. Standing in the wings watching the dancers on stage transported me back to when I was a little girl, dancing with my local dance troupe, gazing with awe from the wings as the 'big girls' body rippled and high kicked to Madonna's 'Vogue', '..let your body move to the music..vogue!' oh they were so good. That level of dancing skill seemed so unattainable.

And on Saturday, there I was in the wings again, watching the sweat fly through the air, and being close enough to see the work of the pieces, and the skill with which the dancers used their bodies, and I wondered will I ever be that good? In one more year will I be able to dance like that?

Stage managing also made me think about what it is to perform. I watched the dancers in rehearsal, running tricky sections of movement, asking questions, icing injuries and listened to Rachel Krische (head of performance) guide them '..this is your chance to get into the world of this piece, so its familiar, its not a shock later.' During the performance I watched the dancers prepare themselves in the wings, then I watched them step into the other world. The world that is created on stage.

I thought about the feeling of both being in the wings and to be on stage. I remember, in the last assessment, waiting in the wings repeatedly saying to myself 'I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy' in preparation for the world I had to create. Being on the stage is hard to express verbally. For me it is both super awareness, yet also subconscious. Things happen and you cant always explain how. But I know the person on the stage is different to the me that lives everyday.

And standing there in the wings on Saturday I wondered what is it to be on stage? What drives us (dancers)? How do we create another world? Where do we go? And the best thing is that I'll probably never know the answer, because the possibilities are endless.