I love to revisit my parents as village life is very different from ciy life. It is now almost 1.00pm and after having got up at 9.00am I have not stopped but on paper have acheived nothing. For once, I don' mind as this is how it is down here.

This is the attitude I wish I could adopt in my professional life. Even better, in my creative practice. Imagine a life where there was no deadline and you could really push boundaries by only finishing something when it is actually finished.

In theory I have cleaned, chatted with everyone, fed about eight people, cleaned up after feeding, taken phone calls to plan family visits later and so on. I feel stressed that I have not actually done anything but I quickly check myself and enjoy the feeling.

Perhaps this is where I have go it wrong and I am so keen on marking off the to do list I lose the general enjoyment of being present in life and letting life happen. I forget that some people (such as my parents) just live life. Obviously my parents acheive and are driven but it is on a different level.

The priorities are not building a career but building a home, loking after family, visiting people, eatin nice food. When was the last time I planned a meal?

There is a book SLOW by Malcolm Gladwel (I think??) and I think it's about time I read this again. As budgets are being cut and I have been warned by several people that the arts are dead for anyone who needs paid I might try an alternative route to making things happen.

Normally I will work ninety hour weeks, sleep four hours a day and push until my body stops but what if I was to take it slow and just enjoy the smaller things. I could encourage others to do the same. An impromptu informal sharing of new work in a park, a contact jam in an old church hall splitting the cost of the hire between attendees perhaps.

The saddest part is I can't help but push, it's in my nature. I do wish in a way I could have my time again and push less, people would find me easier to be around I'm sure and my blood pressure would perhaps stay at a healthy level.