I am confused when people do not see the emotivity of movement. Pure dance, yes, it can just be flowing gymnastics and shapes but real movement speaks above everything.

As anyone goes through a period of trauma their body speaks back to them: weight is lost, weight is gained, posture changes, movements weaken, muscles tense. I am currently going through a period of what I believe is the most severe mental trauma I have ever endured. My body is responding in a way I have never known and the little glimmer of hope that is getting me through is the ability to read these patterns and to try to learn from them.

People who know me, yet do not yet know my news, have known instantly that something is drastically wrong (all whilst I'm hidden under a scarf, ear muffs and layers of make up). It is not just in my eyes but in my body somehow.

I'm weakened yet my body keeps trying to speak to me and find a way to help me to deal with the emotions I am having to juggle and at times suppress. Emotional urges have to be physically restrained and as a result I at times find myself contorted and my muscles hitting spasm like they never have before.

Eating makes me feel sick and yet I'm hungry?

If I could bottle this and take it into a dance studio it would surely reach the masses?

Sadly, I think not. Something I have came to realise is that we're disgustingly bad at seeing what is in front of us and putting everything into a human perspective.

My strong advice is that if you meet someone who has the ability to see things as a person (they likely will wear their heart on their sleeve), cling to them. They will keep you in touch with what really matters.

This is my new quest and question: What does it really matter? This is not just a question for life but for art. Out with critiques and policy, in with movement. From now if it moves me it is correct and for the first time I mean it when I say sod the responses.

Most policy makers are no doubt a little dead inside otherwise they would never have been able to make such black and white policy in the first place.