Lewis Wheeler (closed): It's the inner artist that counts darlings
Tuesday, Oct 21 2003, 02:44
I've reached a milestone in my life. I've decided to properly come out to my parents. About 2 years ago I half heartedly told them I was bi-sexual (ha ha) but I wasn't willing to have a big discussion with them (I don't talk to them about my life at all) and it all got swept away. Since then there have been some awkward moments but nothing really important. However, there is some kind of atmosphere over the issue and there are only going to problems in the future if something doesn't get said now.
So i'm writing them a letter - maybe thats cowardly but I really don't have the ability to talk to my parents about anything to do with me. Especially not emotional stuff.
Here's the content of the letter...and just for reference - Jemma was a girl who I spent a year in a relationship with, we lived together and everything (shock horror!)
Dear Mum & Dad,
I’m sorry that I don’t talk to you very much about anything emotional that happens in my life. I do have very good friends who I confide in so I’m not anymore mentally unstable than anyone else my age. However, I think the biggest barrier that lies between us is my sexuality. I did try coming out to you before I moved back home during my National Diploma but your sitting down in the dining room trying to have a big discussion about it was not a situation I could deal with.
In hindsight I have always known that I was gay and Jemma was the first person I ever actually told. Although under the whole ‘bi-sexual’ pretence. The night Jemma and I split up was practically the start of a new life for me, through finally fully embracing my sexuality.
Being gay is one of the most positive things in my life. It allows me license to behave, think and feel in the way that is natural to me, while being at odds with the majority of the male population. It also gives me a colourful, diverse and fantastic community to be a part of and to be accepted in.
Since ‘coming out’ when I was seventeen, I have had two long term relationships. With one of those people I fell in love. Unfortunately for me I am currently single. I have had sex with many more people but I have regularly had S.T.I. check ups and I’m probably far more clued up about the dangers of sex than most people.
The reason that I’ve brought this up, is that while I do not want to have a huge discussion with you over this, I do not want to feel discriminated against at home. Last year when Mike and I went to France I remember Dad kicking up a big fuss about why he was staying over and that I ended up threatening that I would have no reason to go home during that holiday, unless Mike stayed over because we were going to France.
I want to be able to bring someone home as my boyfriend in the same way that Nicholas is able to bring Megan home as his girlfriend.
I understand that this may be a lot to think about for you, perhaps not. Either way there are many lines of support which are available to you. A good port of call would be the Isle of Wight Gay & Lesbian helpline on 01983 525123 (Wednesday & Saturday 19.30 – 22.00) who are very willing to talk to friends / family members coming to terms with someone close to them coming out. I also strongly recommend that you visit www.fflag.org.uk which is an association of friends and families of lesbian and gay people and while you may not wish to join them, they will be able to provide you with a lot of information and someone to talk to if you want to.
I don’t want this to be a big issue between us.
Lots of love
Lewis xxx
It looks quite short reading it back now. Ah well, pure and simple is generally a good plan. Let's just hope this doesn't all back fire on me!
And now for something completely different. (I watched my first Monty Python over half term - v.funny but personally, I wouldn't make a cult out of it).
I'm getting pretty annoyed with people whinging about how the people in class who aren't very good and aren't particularly motivated are bringing them down / their energy down. I do remember feeling like that at the very beginning of the term but I find that I can quite easily distance myself from everybody else in the class. You have to in order to really work with yourself. I can understand why having a really bad group in a drama class can be detrimental, because they have to work with and depend on each other so much. But in a dance class I take the advice of my first teacher and make it all about ME ME ME ME ME. Everyone else can go to hell.
There are even a couple of Joan of Arc's who are so disgusted at the people in the school that they are trying to form a Dance & Theatre society. The poster informs you that if you 'want to be inspired' then 'this could be the answer for you' come along at blah blah blah and '...bring your own ideas'. While on one hand the idea has some merit on the other - why don't they just get on with it? They could go and visit some art galleries (or whatever turns them on), do some choreography, have a lunchtime performance and congratulate themselves afterwards. They'd be so busy working that they wouldn't notice anybody else. It's the inner artist that counts darlings. I think Jesus had a parable about this actually, something along the lines of remove the log from your own eye before removing the speck of dust from someone else's. Be Martyr's if you must but please don't drag the rest of us down in your crusade.
Wow, honesty and bitchiness all in one day - must be the mini milk I had for lunch.
Dave had the flu today so Hamel gave us a sort of Northern Style release class. It was pants. Just thought I'd throw that in.
Filed by Article19 at 2:44 PM | 
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