You can watch one of the videos below (in HD on the Vimeo site if your computer can handle it). Keep an eye on Mr Jolivet's Vimeo page for more of the same in the future.

Assis Carreiro: The AD of Dance East said some pretty ridiculous things to us when asked about their gender imbalanced "leadership" program. Ms Carreiro showing a staggering lack of leadership when it comes to being proactive in correcting the balance. We'll have an editorial online tomorrow about this but for now you're zeroed. Sit there, read this, be wrong and get used to it.

This time out the show had a movie theme and the dancers, all inexperienced "community" participants, put on a solid, watchable, professional show with admirable performances from all concerned. Look out for a video feature later this week.

If you're planning a community show then look to these guys for inspiration, you could do worse, a lot worse.

The Chinese Government: Also the folk who organised the opening ceremony. Organising a sports event probably isn't that hard when you are an oppressive regime that has absolute power over your people and you can pretty much doing anything you want.

But replacing a small child who can sing (Yang Peiyi) with one that is "cuter" (Lin Miaoke) to lip sync the other child's singing because, according to musical director Chen Qigang, "we must put our country's interest first," is pathetic even for Chinese bureaucrats.

When it comes to children their interests come first not those of a country and if that's not clear to you Mr Chen then we pity your own children, if you have any!

The Chinese Government (again): For arresting protesters in China who were, rightly, complaining about the Chinese government's behaviour in Tibet.

Not only did they arrest Lucy Fairbrother for climbing up a light pole and unfurling a banner they also, somewhat clumsily, edited her online blog to make it appear more sympathetic toward the Chinese government. Did you really think that nobody would notice?

Ben Child: Writing for The Guardian newspaper Mr Child (there are pages and pages of psychoanalysis in that name) wrote; "Two of the greatest film-makers around at the moment, Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro" during a rant about the up and coming 'Hobbit' movies.

Really? Peter Jackson did make The 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy but he also made a three hour film about a giant gorilla which proved without doubt that Mr Jackson was a one trick pony.

As for Guillermo Del Toro! This guy made 'Hellboy' and 'Blade 2'. Nuff said. Mr Child, you're an idiot! Stick to DJing and stay away from the movies because we pity any friend of yours that gets dragged along to the movies with you.

Guillermo Del Toro: Quoted in the above mentioned piece discussing 'The Hobbit' movie(s) by Ben Child, Mr Del Toro said; "We believe there is a second movie," he told reporters at the Los Angeles film festival in June. "If there isn't, there will not be. If we find it, we will shoot it, but by God, if we do not find it, we will not shoot it."

If I go outside and there is an Aston Martin DB9 with the keys in the ignition and paperwork for that car in my name in the glove box then by God I will drive it. But if there is no car then as Lucifer is my witness I will not drive it and neither will anybody else!

A strong mix of ground based work, from Hofesh Shechter, Liz Lea, to aerial work from Cie Retouramont and Wired Aerial Theatre managed to draw large crowds. Mix that with some weird, illuminated, inflatable pods from Axial Dance (with dancers inside them), some water based shenanigans from Cie Gianni Joseph and Provisional Danza and you have the ideal combination for a great outdoor festival. The tiny DIGM brought the goods to the people for free. Shame it's only once every two years!

Professional Photographers: Many in this profession need to learn that getting in the way of the general public with your enormous head and overbearing equipment is not cool. Sit your ass down on the ground, stay still and use some skill to get your shots because nobody else cares that you're on a deadline or are too stupid to use a longer lens to frame your shot.

Amateur Photographers: Enjoy yourself with your new gear but the same goes for you guys. Nobody else cares about your photo collection. Try and be a little sensitive to others when your barging about trying to fill up your MySpace photo gallery because having a monopod surgically removed from your body is going to be uncomfortable!

Arts Council England: Their "Sustained Theatre" website is another example of a clueless bureaucracy running around like a headless chicken, spending money on things that don't do anything. ACE needs to knock it off with the social engineering and get to work doing things that matter, like developing a usable, accountable, balanced funding system! It also has more bugs than an iPhone!

Dance4: They took [ this image ] taken of All Play Dance Company, by Article19, and turned it into a mushy, over-compressed, distorted mess on their website. To further add insult to injury they printed the image on a brochure and proceeded to put a ridiculous "splat" logo over the dancers faces. Hard to believe a group of adult individuals could be that stupid or aesthetically challenged but there you go!

The company are requesting further documentation from ACE to support the decision they have made. Failing that they want the funding restored or else the courts beckon. It's a long shot, that much is certain, but if you believe in what you are doing then fight for it we say. Fight hard and fight dirty because there's no such thing as a fair fight!

[ Union Dance Company ]

Arts Council England: For removing Union Dance Company's funding because, in their words, they have "concerns about the artistic quality" of their work. ACE then defend their decision by stating they will continue to support the work of Jonzi D Productions, amongst others. Just exactly how is that a defence of anything when talking about artistic quality?

The Stage: In a recent story about the transition of Scottish Arts Council into 'Creative Scotland', whatever that means, The Stage refers to Scotland as a "region". Quote; "A bill which will scrap the current Scottish Arts Council has been introduced into the region’s parliament this week."

For the record: Scotland is a country, it is not a region of anywhere or anything, nor was it ever such a thing and the sooner the London hacks at The Stage understand that the better.

Pubs in Ireland: For declining to take part in 'Earth Hour', whereby businesses and the general public alike switched off their electric lights for an hour to help prevent mother earth from choking to death. Publicans said they couldn't use candlelight in their bars because they feared patrons may "fall down stairs, break their glasses or set themselves on fire".

Because people are just that stupid! Before the introduction of the electric light the number one cause of death in prehistoric times was, in fact, stupid people tripping over broken glass and falling down the stairs whilst on fire, Irish or otherwise! Bubble-heads!

Shobana Jeyasingh: For speaking more than a little common sense in our interview with her with regard to the plethora of "cultural diversity" nonsense continuously coming out of ACE and pretty much anybody that has ever been elected to do anything.

Dancers/Choreographers BDE08: For proving without any doubt that the UK is home to some of the best work and the best dancers in this most addled of professions. One show after another produced superb performances and superb choreography and that's what the job and the profession should be about.

Arts Council England: For botching the changes in the RFO funding. Talking about "excellence" and "thrive not survive" whilst canning 194 companies then pretending to reprieve 17 of them like that's not what you were going to anyway is beneath contempt. ACE needs a kick in the pants and we've got a nice big pair of boots to do it with.

DCMS: For their wretched "five hours of culture" nonsense. Put culture in schools or don't put culture in schools but stop pretending you can do it for £15 per child, per year when it costs about £16 to go and see even the cheapest show in London. How can you run a country when you can't even do simple arithmetic?

The Dance Blogosphere: With some notable exceptions there are not a lot of issues being tackled by the bloggers. Adopt a position, pick a fight, argue a point, stand up for yourself, let it out. We don't care if you don't agree with us but get some fire in your veins. Stop being so damn conciliatory all the time.

[ MSNBC Video ]

Dance City. The Newcastle based National Dance Agency for their completely wretched behaviour a couple of weeks ago in refusing to allow access to Article19 to film in their venue, with the company's approval already in the bag. To date they have still not returned numerous requests for comment about just why they didn't want us in there. Such cowardly buffoonery is something you would expect from a small child. Here in TheLab™ we get to fool around because we don't suck up hundreds of thousands of pounds of other people's money and act like jackasses while we're doing it.

This one however raised the bar and the audience were provided with a superb show. Well worth the price of admission if you ask us!

[ MKT Raw Video Feature ]

The Times: or, to be precise, the idiot copywriter who wrote "Christopher Wheeldon is realising his dream to create a transatlantic ballet company. Our correspondent gets the pointe", boom boom geddit?

It was written as an intro to a fawning interview with the aforementioned dance maker about his new company Morphoses.

Arts Council England: for having absolutely no back bone, no balls and no damn clue. Please do let the Olympics roll you over and steal your wallet!

While you are at it why not pull on some hard hats and join the legions of corrupt builders who are currently skimming millions of the building costs for all the stadiums? (allegedly, but you just know it's going on!) You could all earn some good money and join Peter Hewitt when he retires on his massive pension.

[ SSCD on Article19 ]

Arts Council England: For being cowardly and evasive about providing information about just what the National Dance Agencies in this country spend your money on. When asked for reports on the NDA network they pulled every trick in the book to keep the information hidden. We maintain they do have something to hide (probably more embarrassing than corrupt), perhaps some kindly ACE employee, sick of the nonsense, will photocopy them for us and send them out, we'll give up our sources on a cold day in hell.

[ Retina's Website ]

Scottish Ballet: For selling off social contact with your dancers to raise a paltry sum of money. Don't think we or most other people are buying the 'unique insight' garbage either. When you're emphasising the looks of your dancers in the auction text we know exactly what it's all about. That other companies sell their dancers out by making them do this stuff for money makes no difference. Raise the bar and work to a higher standard, not a lower one.

Bectu. The union that represents the back stage people in theatre, TV and film. They have been calling on Simone Clarke to be put in shackles, sort of, over her ongoing calamitous relationship with the BNP. Citing that Ms Clarke actively sought publicity for the BNP using her position in the ENB. All of which is complete nonsense since she was outed by the Guardian in the worlds worst under cover sting operation.

Simone Clarke. For lacking the common sense to not join the hapless morons at the BNP in their quest to do absolutely nothing about anything. The BNP is so fundamentally flawed in every way that no matter what spin they put on their manifesto none of their absurd policies will ever be put into action so you might as well give your £25 to the NSPCC and do something constructive. In fact, giving them about £2,000 might go someway to making your apology for being a complete jackass seem sincere, if you ever do apologise for being a jackass.

English National Ballet. For failing miserably to put an end to the nonsense with Simone Clarke and the BNP. The AD (Wayne Eagling) should take the dancer aside, tell her to stop being a jackass, tell everybody else to shut up and get on with the business of being the most uninventive ballet company in all of christendom.

Dance City. The Newcastle upon Tyne based National Dance Agency got a Hero award some time ago for setting up a resource library in their new building with books, computers and other bits and pieces for dancers, students, etc to use at their leisure. Well we're taking it back because it never opened and all the gear has been re-tasked. Bloody hopeless!

Royal Opera House. In particular Royal Opera House 2 for insisting Article19 cough up £15 for unoccupied standing spaces to do some filming. First time in 5 years we have ever been asked to hand over money to gain access to shoot. It also took them 6 weeks to confirm we could do the filming and then proceeded to give us a hard time when they did call back! Yes, this is the theatre that gets over £20million in public subsidy! For shame we say.

London. It is slightly disconcerting when you drive into London in the rain, in the dark and in a hurry to find yourself thinking that you have just arrived in Gotham City sans Batman to save you from the unruly inhabitants. There are few places in this world where the majority of inhabitants are more likely than not to step on your head, run you over, crash a car/bus/taxi/motorbike into you all in the fervent belief that they have every right to get where they are going a lot more quickly than anybody else.

[ DC on Upcoming ]

Dance City: You just knew it was too good to be true didn't you! Yes, they also get zeroed for making a complete hash of using Upcoming.org to promote what is happening in their venue.

Duplicating venues and events is not really the point, it's a collaborative thing whereby you co-operate with all the other good folks on the internet (and there are some good ones out there) to build up a self sustaining supply of events via groups and such like.

Also, sticking a massive picture of your, not so new, building in the profile page kind of makes you look a little sad, people have feelings, buildings have broken toilets and stuff!

Just goes to show that even the smartest technology can be defeated by the stupidest of users.

It's this kind of crap that makes us want to go out and push cows over! (eh? Ed!)