Heros and Zeroes
Union Dance Company
Tuesday, 1 April, 2008
Union Dance Company: For not lying down and taking any more nonsense from Arts Council England. The 16 year old company lost their funding in the recent shake up. Instead of walking away quietly they are putting up a fight which, if necessary, will go all the way to the courts.
The company are requesting further documentation from ACE to support the decision they have made. Failing that they want the funding restored or else the courts beckon. It's a long shot, that much is certain, but if you believe in what you are doing then fight for it we say. Fight hard and fight dirty because there's no such thing as a fair fight!
Arts Council England: For removing Union Dance Company's funding because, in their words, they have "concerns about the artistic quality" of their work. ACE then defend their decision by stating they will continue to support the work of Jonzi D Productions, amongst others. Just exactly how is that a defence of anything when talking about artistic quality?
The Stage: In a recent story about the transition of Scottish Arts Council into 'Creative Scotland', whatever that means, The Stage refers to Scotland as a "region". Quote; "A bill which will scrap the current Scottish Arts Council has been introduced into the region’s parliament this week."
For the record: Scotland is a country, it is not a region of anywhere or anything, nor was it ever such a thing and the sooner the London hacks at The Stage understand that the better.
Pubs in Ireland: For declining to take part in 'Earth Hour', whereby businesses and the general public alike switched off their electric lights for an hour to help prevent mother earth from choking to death. Publicans said they couldn't use candlelight in their bars because they feared patrons may "fall down stairs, break their glasses or set themselves on fire".
Because people are just that stupid! Before the introduction of the electric light the number one cause of death in prehistoric times was, in fact, stupid people tripping over broken glass and falling down the stairs whilst on fire, Irish or otherwise! Bubble-heads!
Stumble It!
Merseyside Dance Initiative
Friday, 29 February, 2008
Merseyside Dance Initiative: The very small, very modestly funded agency ran the British Dance Edition 2008 in Liverpool like seasoned pros. No delays, no break downs, no four hour wait to get the shows turned around and we had some stunning dance making to watch from the companies on show. Their professionalism was commendable.
Shobana Jeyasingh: For speaking more than a little common sense in our interview with her with regard to the plethora of "cultural diversity" nonsense continuously coming out of ACE and pretty much anybody that has ever been elected to do anything.
Dancers/Choreographers BDE08: For proving without any doubt that the UK is home to some of the best work and the best dancers in this most addled of professions. One show after another produced superb performances and superb choreography and that's what the job and the profession should be about.
Arts Council England: For botching the changes in the RFO funding. Talking about "excellence" and "thrive not survive" whilst canning 194 companies then pretending to reprieve 17 of them like that's not what you were going to anyway is beneath contempt. ACE needs a kick in the pants and we've got a nice big pair of boots to do it with.
DCMS: For their wretched "five hours of culture" nonsense. Put culture in schools or don't put culture in schools but stop pretending you can do it for £15 per child, per year when it costs about £16 to go and see even the cheapest show in London. How can you run a country when you can't even do simple arithmetic?
The Dance Blogosphere: With some notable exceptions there are not a lot of issues being tackled by the bloggers. Adopt a position, pick a fight, argue a point, stand up for yourself, let it out. We don't care if you don't agree with us but get some fire in your veins. Stop being so damn conciliatory all the time.
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Keith Olbermann
Friday, 2 November, 2007
Keith Olbermann: Most of you have probably never heard of the US newscaster but he is currently one of the few standing up to the Bush/Cheney/Blackwater buffoons in the current madness that is the USA. He's not out there just reporting the news he's punching back with some smart commentary that really hits home! You can watch segments of his show, Countdown, for free on the MSNBC website. If you have a Mac and you get the "not supported page" just click the continue link, the site will work just fine.
Dance City. The Newcastle based National Dance Agency for their completely wretched behaviour a couple of weeks ago in refusing to allow access to Article19 to film in their venue, with the company's approval already in the bag. To date they have still not returned numerous requests for comment about just why they didn't want us in there. Such cowardly buffoonery is something you would expect from a small child. Here in TheLab™ we get to fool around because we don't suck up hundreds of thousands of pounds of other people's money and act like jackasses while we're doing it.
Stumble It!
MKT Raw 2007
Monday, 10 September, 2007
The Dancers of MKT Raw 07: Youth shows can often be mind numbing experiences and it's never clear who is to blame. Often, the issue is one of time and commitment.
This one however raised the bar and the audience were provided with a superb show. Well worth the price of admission if you ask us!
The Times: or, to be precise, the idiot copywriter who wrote "Christopher Wheeldon is realising his dream to create a transatlantic ballet company. Our correspondent gets the pointe", boom boom geddit?
It was written as an intro to a fawning interview with the aforementioned dance maker about his new company Morphoses.
Arts Council England: for having absolutely no back bone, no balls and no damn clue. Please do let the Olympics roll you over and steal your wallet!
While you are at it why not pull on some hard hats and join the legions of corrupt builders who are currently skimming millions of the building costs for all the stadiums? (allegedly, but you just know it's going on!) You could all earn some good money and join Peter Hewitt when he retires on his massive pension.
Stumble It!
Scottish School of Contemporary Dance
Thursday, 14 June, 2007
SSCD Second Year: When faced with a fire alarm during a live performance at The Space in Dundee the second years, who had just taken to the stage to perform 'Until Silence is Still', stood their ground and did what any pro performer would do, stick to the plan unless told otherwise, if the ship was going to sink, they were going down with it! Thankfully there was no fire (theatrical smoke was to blame) and they came back on stage and provided the audience with a superb performance of the piece.
Arts Council England: For being cowardly and evasive about providing information about just what the National Dance Agencies in this country spend your money on. When asked for reports on the NDA network they pulled every trick in the book to keep the information hidden. We maintain they do have something to hide (probably more embarrassing than corrupt), perhaps some kindly ACE employee, sick of the nonsense, will photocopy them for us and send them out, we'll give up our sources on a cold day in hell.
Stumble It!
Retina Dance Company
Thursday, 15 February, 2007
Retina Dance Company: For utilising the internet to its fullest by commissioning a website that really gets the job done. Good design, good content and high quality video. It looks like it's easy to keep up to date as-well so let's hope they stick at it.
Scottish Ballet: For selling off social contact with your dancers to raise a paltry sum of money. Don't think we or most other people are buying the 'unique insight' garbage either. When you're emphasising the looks of your dancers in the auction text we know exactly what it's all about. That other companies sell their dancers out by making them do this stuff for money makes no difference. Raise the bar and work to a higher standard, not a lower one.
Stumble It!
Equity
Thursday, 18 January, 2007
Equity: In the ongoing fracas between Simone Clarke and the rest of the world they are the only ones keeping their heads and standing up for what's right. That is; no matter what Ms Clarke's political views' Equity will stand up for her right to work and will represent her without prejudice if the stuffed shirts get their way and Ms Clarke is ousted from ENB or punished in any way!
Bectu. The union that represents the back stage people in theatre, TV and film. They have been calling on Simone Clarke to be put in shackles, sort of, over her ongoing calamitous relationship with the BNP. Citing that Ms Clarke actively sought publicity for the BNP using her position in the ENB. All of which is complete nonsense since she was outed by the Guardian in the worlds worst under cover sting operation.
Simone Clarke. For lacking the common sense to not join the hapless morons at the BNP in their quest to do absolutely nothing about anything. The BNP is so fundamentally flawed in every way that no matter what spin they put on their manifesto none of their absurd policies will ever be put into action so you might as well give your £25 to the NSPCC and do something constructive. In fact, giving them about £2,000 might go someway to making your apology for being a complete jackass seem sincere, if you ever do apologise for being a jackass.
English National Ballet. For failing miserably to put an end to the nonsense with Simone Clarke and the BNP. The AD (Wayne Eagling) should take the dancer aside, tell her to stop being a jackass, tell everybody else to shut up and get on with the business of being the most uninventive ballet company in all of christendom.
Stumble It!
BalletLorent
Friday, 22 December, 2006
BalletLorent. For 'Angelmoth'. This is a new piece, check it out in reviews, that is trying very hard to be a little more traditional and tell a story. It's not quite 'there' yet but given time and development it could be an innovative and original addition to the wide world of contemporary dance and full marks for giving it a shot!
Dance City. The Newcastle upon Tyne based National Dance Agency got a Hero award some time ago for setting up a resource library in their new building with books, computers and other bits and pieces for dancers, students, etc to use at their leisure. Well we're taking it back because it never opened and all the gear has been re-tasked. Bloody hopeless!
Stumble It!
Wired Aerial Dance Theatre
Saturday, 18 November, 2006
Wired Aerial Dance Theatre. For 'Handmade/Manmade'. One of those creations in the wacky world of contemporary dance that makes you believe this wretched art-form can, just maybe, be something that doesn't make you want to beat your own head with a milk bottle. Check the video here on Article19. A dance piece that is actually (whisper it) entertaining!
Royal Opera House. In particular Royal Opera House 2 for insisting Article19 cough up £15 for unoccupied standing spaces to do some filming. First time in 5 years we have ever been asked to hand over money to gain access to shoot. It also took them 6 weeks to confirm we could do the filming and then proceeded to give us a hard time when they did call back! Yes, this is the theatre that gets over £20million in public subsidy! For shame we say.
Stumble It!
Northern Youth Dance Company
Friday, 17 November, 2006
Northern Youth Dance Company. For putting on an excellent performance recently amidst some slightly farcical organisation from a small-scale theatre that shall remain nameless. Despite the lights coming on and off at random (some form of cue list may be a good idea), a guest company locking themselves in a corridor (don't ask), and a small posse of rare Gazelles invading the stage (we may be making that up), they did an excellent job!
London. It is slightly disconcerting when you drive into London in the rain, in the dark and in a hurry to find yourself thinking that you have just arrived in Gotham City sans Batman to save you from the unruly inhabitants. There are few places in this world where the majority of inhabitants are more likely than not to step on your head, run you over, crash a car/bus/taxi/motorbike into you all in the fervent belief that they have every right to get where they are going a lot more quickly than anybody else.
Stumble It!
Dance City
Monday, 25 September, 2006
Dance City The National Dance Agency for the North of England (or North-East, whatever!) for being the first to use a Web2.0 application for a practical purpose. That Web2.0 application is Upcoming.org, a social networking site that helps promote events by keeping users, ie: you lot, informed using clever technologies like RSS and..... other things. Welcome to the 21st Century, 'aint it marvelous?
Dance City: You just knew it was too good to be true didn't you! Yes, they also get zeroed for making a complete hash of using Upcoming.org to promote what is happening in their venue.
Duplicating venues and events is not really the point, it's a collaborative thing whereby you co-operate with all the other good folks on the internet (and there are some good ones out there) to build up a self sustaining supply of events via groups and such like.
Also, sticking a massive picture of your, not so new, building in the profile page kind of makes you look a little sad, people have feelings, buildings have broken toilets and stuff!
Just goes to show that even the smartest technology can be defeated by the stupidest of users.
It's this kind of crap that makes us want to go out and push cows over! (eh? Ed!)
Stumble It!
The Winger
Friday, 1 September, 2006
The Winger: The US based dance blog run by NYCB dancer Kristen Sloane is embracing blogging with gusto using several contributors from across the USA and the rest of this slightly worn out globe. Winger uses images and video blogging to good effect and is an excellent example to all that blogging about dance can be interesting and you don't have to do it on your own.
We also admire the fact that Ms Sloane is not afraid to show her own face in videos and photos which is a practice frowned upon here in TheLab™
Easyjet: And the rest of these budget airline muppets. Easyjet announced today that they will be charging passengers for every extra bag they want to put in the hold because UK airport restrictions mean more bags have to go in the hold. They say it's about security we say it's about raking in more cash.
Budget airlines have managed to introduce 'Cattle Class' into air-travel and get away with it and their staff need a good kick up the backside as well as finishing their training in unimportant tasks like 'customer service'.
A special mention for 'Prat Of The Week' goes to Easyjet spokesman Toby Nicholl who said, to the BBC, "We've seen in the past three weeks an explosion in the amount of baggage put in holds and it is delaying check-ins."
Rather unfortunate choice of words there Toby.
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The Police (not the band)
Monday, 14 August, 2006
The Metropolitan Police: The UK's major police force for scaring the hell out of everyone with all this 'no liquids on planes' crap. The potential for liquid explosives on planes has been known about for years and their hyperbole stating 'mass murder on an unimaginable scale' was pathetic grandstanding. You're the police, arrest people and convict them of crimes, don't puff up your ego in the process.
Arts Council England: For being too frightened to put someone forward for interview regarding their Capture programme that will, despite all evidence to the contrary, continue supporting the creation of mediocre dance film throughout the industry.
Whatever Article19 may think of your programme or project at least have the balls to stand up for it on a public platform. One of the press flacks even had the cheek to ask what questions we would be putting to them before the interview took place!
Stumble It!
Ludus Dance
Thursday, 13 July, 2006
Ludus Dance: For giving it a shot and trying, we don't know how hard, to do online documentation of a dance project (called Trapped, read about it the news section). Not only did they use video but they also used Podcasting, which is not a strange disease you thought was wiped out in the 1800's but something different altogether! It's not easy and there are many pitfalls but they kept it up, sort of, almost to the end. 7/10 for effort.
Ludus Dance: For dropping the ball and not keeping the documentation, via a website, up until the very end of the Trapped project. The podcast's kept coming but the video didn't.
The video was also slightly problematic in that most of it was silent. They dubbed the audio off for 'copyright' reasons. A slap to the kipper for capitulating to the copyright zealots, there is such a thing as 'fair use' under copyright law, do some more reading next time or just ask the record company, if they say no, use it anyway and tell them to bugger off.
Stumble It!
Virtual Motion Dance Company
Monday, 5 June, 2006
Virtual Motion Dance Company: For the stand out performance of 'Kismet', June 2nd at the closing performance of Dance City's Dancing The World Festival (bizarre monicker that!). It's been a long time since the work last felt the heat of stage lights on its back. Should have been the final act of the festival.
Top notch dancers and well crafted dance making, a company worthy of increased funding support we think! Make it so ACE.
Dance City: For closing out their festival with a dire piece of choreography featuring the unfortunate 2nd years from NSCD. Excellent dancers p*** poor dance making (Hagit Bar Flemming, as we understand) is all we can say.
Stop making young dancers perform this pseudo, post-modern drivel and stop encouraging brain dead dance making by putting this stuff on at, so-called, major festivals. Such poor work on this kind of platform reeks of blinded, back-slapping, it shouldn't be allowed we say!
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Jean Sara Rohe
Wednesday, 24 May, 2006
Jean Sara Rohe: UK and Europe readers may not know this graduate of the New School, a university in New York, who altered her graduation speech, attended by Republican Senator John McCain, to say that she steadfastly disagreed with his position on the war in Iraq and those of the Republican led US administration. She also didn't feel that a graduation ceremony was a platform for Mr McCain's clearly political stump speech.
The right wing hacks in the USA are doing their best to haul her across the coals and failing miserably at it. Good for you we say and here's to freedom of speech, we are Article19 after all!
Stan Won't Dance: The London based dance company who apparently cannot organise an audition to save their life. Here's a tip, organise the place, time and date, then announce it. It's easier that way, also make sure the email address for registering works properly! It's a poor show and we expect better from the progressives!
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Panta Rei
Friday, 12 May, 2006
Panta Rei Dance Theatre: Dance Theatre company based is Oslo, Norway, for touring great work to the little ones (school kids who sometimes aint' so little) in a country so expensive it makes our intrepid correspondent want to cry! At least the dancers only have to pay a 15% 'artists' tax, now why don't we have something like that?
Watch out next week for an exclusive video feature, yes, the Norwegians are coming!!
Arts Council England: For botching yet another Freedom of Information request. It not only illustrates that they can't even track down paperwork to comply with the law but the amount of paperwork is so small it appears they pay very little attention to the projects they spend large sums of money on, how many ways can we say 'oversight'?
The Place: The London based dance stronghold continues with the folly that is The Place Prize for no other reason than the publicity, such as it is. Puerile competitions and audience voting are not the way forward for the arts and especially not dance which is too mis-managed as it is without bringing the public into the mix!
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Wendy Hesketh
Wednesday, 29 March, 2006
Wendy Hesketh: Formerly of Motionhouse now of Wired Aerial Dance Theatre for being the inspiration behind the new Shout Board™. Inspiration is thin on the ground in this world of dance that is contemporary, we salute you! (and over zealous writing is in abundance methinks on these here pages! Ed!)
Dance Europe: Again, for being utterly pathetic and removing their world wide dance links page instead of adding Israeli companies to it. We're calling you a coward Dance Europe, we're calling you out, see in Trafalgar Square at 8pm this evening!!!! (I'm sure we can take 'em, Ed!)
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The Dance Blogosphere
Tuesday, 14 March, 2006
Dance Blogosphere: Still in its infancy but they broke the story on Dance Europe's reprehensible position with regard to Israeli dance companies and the London based magazine is now scuttling for cover and making the defence that they are misunderstood!
Dance Europe: We can always forgive our print colleagues for being a little dull and slow on the uptake but the magazines position and refusing to feature Israeli Dance Companies unless they denounce their government is ethically and morally absurd. Even more pathetic are the advertising manager's (Naresh Kaul) comments with regard to suicide bombers!
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Protein Dance
Wednesday, 22 February, 2006
Protein Dance: For introducing a bit of politics into their show and not being afraid to have a slight dig at the established dance mafia in London. We want more of the same and be quick about it!
Toby Sargent: Deputy Head of News (if that is, in fact, a real job) over at the Department for Culture Media and Sport for the ridiculous email he sent us concerning naming ill-informed DCMS employees. Threatening not to speak to us anymore on the phone is something we would rejoice, not fear! Try not to be such a wellington boot there Toby, if that's your real name of course! You can read the email on our letters page.
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